After YEARS of hustle as a single mom of a human and small business, I finally decided that parenting both babies alone was not in their respective best interest. If you know me you know I’m never getting personally-partnered again so that mostly rules out a coparent for the human child. While it’s a realization that has been years in the making, and one that I’ve tested via ruled-out approaches, I came to the conclusion that, the business-baby, Breastfeeding Housecalls needs a co-owner.
Yep. A CO-OWNER...
...but instead of casting a net, or bumbling around on business-matchmaking-sites, I put out a request that the same #BreastfeedingProvidence that helped me create this neat resource, would also make it exceptionally clear when my prayers were answered.
And these were my prayers:
First, that I would be given complete peace about co-parenting my business-baby.
And the next prayer had to do with who they would be (I mean, maybe a little like me?):
In order to keep the same “essence” of urgency that BH was founded on, whoever was brought to me needed to be intensely driven.
Overcoming adversity would need to be in their code.
Changing our community would need to be their ultimate determination.
And strangely, it would be nice if they felt the same stings I did—the type that stung enough for me to want to do something.
And...my dream business partner would have had to navigate past the unique mirages found in today’s professional lactation world, having come out thirsty-and grateful.
I very specifically asked that this person be of a lactation lineage like mine...of honed outpatient counseling skills gathered from #thebestprogramever (shout out to TexasWIC) as a breastfeeding peer counselor, and that they learn the hospital-setting just for a long-enough season to give them the feels, but not long enough to feel impotent.
I wanted a humble lineage...yet a lineage that was able to see opportunities for healing communities, instead of seeing themselves as the cure.
And somewhere into the second year of praying for this, someone like her made herself seen.
While I was worried about running out of emotional fuel for all of my babies, #BreastfeedingProvidence was lighting a fire under someone pretty amazing.
This chica knew her strengths. She positioned herself vulnerably in the same places I did. She saw (and felt) the cracks and peered through them to learn, with the resolve to heal and to fill them. She was driven, assertive, oblivious and wise. She was a walking #breastfeedinglifehack...a question-asker, an observer of moves and a taker of lessons...all with the end of supporting families in the same love and the same tone the I had been praying for...
As I got to know her, I saw that supporting parents in their journey wasn’t an impulse for her. It was a lifestyle- like it was for me.
I see in her who I was 10 years ago, and I see in me who she will be 10 years from now (the wisdom, not the grey-hair).
After having her on my radar for some time, I made my approach exactly one a year ago this week...
...it wasn’t the right time.
I mean, it was a kinda flimsy approach-I just planted a seed during a time she was leaving in to “go see the world” (aka, move permanently to Laredo to become a hospital-lactation consultant). I could’ve done more to keep her here, but she had growing to do...and I still had life to sort out.
If she was “mine”, she’d come back. If not-it wasn’t meant to be.
Plus, I mean, we needed a friendship. Her growing, my sorting and trust would need to somehow fall into gear—and I learned never to rush #BreastfeedingProvidence...especially because I depended on it to get her back here without me being who influenced her choice to return...
But, its interesting...how when you ask for things to happen in Perfect time the details just kinda just fall into place. 🧐🤔
Like during that one time we talked this last November. I vented to her about how busy things were in work and life, and she vented to me about a frustration I knew all too well: “I just don’t feel as impactful as I know I could be in the hospital setting.” she said.
And that’s when it dawned on me.
She had reached the last thing on my wish list:
that exact level of “hospital-wisdom“ that I wanted in a BH co-parent.
It was a realization that took me personally about 6 mo to arrive at; a humbling of sorts from feeling that you can change the whole world in numbers a little, but that you can changed the whole world for a family a lot when you can build a relationship with them.
And preserving breastfeeding relationships is what Breastfeeding Housecalls does best.
Maybe my sage-advice should’ve been “Hang in there and suck it up.” but instead it was a silent and possibly inviting “You know, Dawna...?” (💡)
And that, folks, is how #BreastfeedingProvidence plays itself out.
Both of us just had to be ready...
Beginning in February 2020, Dawna Mangrum, IBCLC, RLC, will begin investing her time and talents in the growth and eventual co-ownership of Breastfeeding Housecalls, LLC.
Please join me in welcoming her via hug, hand-shake, fist-bump or smile into San Antonio’s professional breastfeeding support community as a private-practice IBCLC and co-owner-in-training of
Breastfeeding Housecalls, LLC.
Thank you for having faith in this work, and for using your story to support other families.
Alex and I are blessed beyond measure to be able to call you and Charley our friends.
To see if you even need an IBCLC, look here: http://www.breastfeedinghousecalls.com/breastfeeding-blog/what-is-normal-with-breastfeeding-and-when-to-seek-help
To read more about why private-practice IBCLCs are worth their weight in liquid gold:
And to get a feel of what happens when an IBCLC visits you, check this out: http://www.breastfeedinghousecalls.com/breastfeeding-blog/what-exactly-happens-during-a-lactation-consultation
A Lactation Consultant’s Wisdom On Choosing the Right Doctor for Your Baby (regardless of where or how you plan on birthing)
This article is based on my professional experience working with new parents in the communities which I lovingly serve (San Antonio, Texas USA and its surrounding rural areas). It's possible that other parts of the US or other countries have different models of healthcare than the relationships represented in this article (pediatricians, midwives, general practice doctors and lactation consultants).
The thoughts shared below are based on my experiences with the referral of mothers and babies to their healthcare professionals when clinical scenarios present to me during lactation consultations. In order to prevent bias toward any genre of providers, no physician, midwife or other lactation consultant was directly involved in the writing or review of this article,.
My hope is that the following thoughts are insightful to parents seeking to build life-long relationships with providers who support them and their babies.
Choose a Doctor Who Supports Your Family's Health Goals
One of the most important things that expectant parents can do is choose their baby's doctor well before their sweet baby arrives, even when planning on birthing with a midwife (more on this below). Many parents don't realize that they don't have to wait until their insurance company, hospital or midwife provides them with a list of pediatricians (a list not usually given to parents until after baby is born). In fact, by doing their homework about doctors prenatally, parents will have time to think about what matters most to them and be able to make an educated choice about the providers who will support them.
Discovering Your Family's Health Values
Your pregnancy (or your baby's gestation, if you are adopting) has given you a few months to think about your growing family's future health. If you haven't already talked to your partner or other support people about health topics that are important to your family, as soon as possible is the right time. Educating yourself about health topics and defining your health values will prove very important to choosing your baby's doctor.
What are health values?
Your health values are those things that are important to you and your family when it comes to health and wellness, and these values are different for every family. For example, when it comes to babies some families will discuss vaccinations, circumcision, the family's diet, a mother's breastfeeding goals, and even the what-ifs of childhood (discipline/behavior or adolescent issues). Once you and your partner or support person have talked about what is most important, it will be easier to ask your friends and community for referrals to providers who will support you (much more about about how to do this in just a bit).
Valid points to ponder...
Choose your baby's providers based on their ability to support all of your family's health goals, not just one or two of your health goals.
Choosing a Doctor Who Supports Your Breastfeeding Goals
Ideally, because breastfeeding is still relatively new to our chapter in humanity, in addition to the health topics discussed above, it is wise that breastfeeding families choose a physician (or midwife for care during baby's first weeks) who has taken the time to update their practice with contemporary and evidence-based breastfeeding management skills. If your doctor or midwife is not also an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (most are not, and that's ok) it is important that he or she have access to or knowledge about resources that offer prompt care from International Board Certified Lactation Consultants (IBCLCs) as a supplement to their medical care and guidance. IBCLCs are breastfeeding experts who help troubleshoot and improve breastfeeding and will provide information about your baby's feeds which is helpful to doctors.
Remember, you doctor or midwife doesn't have to be a breastfeeding expert, but knowing who to refer you to when a breastfeeding expert is needed is an important aspect to consider when choosing a provider for your baby.
Does this advice apply to me since I plan on using a midwife as my newborn's healthcare provider?
Yes! It absolutely applies!
In the same way that parents who deliver with a midwife prepare a Plan B for birth (in case of a hospital transfer) there is a lot of wisdom in asking your midwife for referrals in selecting a doctor just in case your baby needs one during the early days. Midwives can be an excellent referral source for families seeking like-minded physicians. In fact, there are two points when families who see midwives will need to have their baby's care transferred to a doctor.
These two points during midwifery care are:
Remember that selecting a doctor for your baby "just in case" won't mean that your baby won't continue seeing your midwife for their healthy and normal newborn care. It simply means that you will be prepared when your midwife is ready to transfer your baby's healthcare to a doctor. Also, rest assured that just because your baby has to see a doctor during your early weeks for medical reasons, doesn’t mean you can’t resume care with your midwife until baby is old enough to graduate out of their care.
Some important things to think about:
• Emergency Rooms: Not being registered with a doctor's practice can cause parents to be routed to a hospital emergency room for their baby's routine and non-emergency medical care--although in cases of emergencies babies should always be taken to emergency rooms for evaluation and treatment. Being registered with a doctor (yes, this could involve taking baby in at least once to the doctor's office so that there is an established patient-provider relationship) would allow parents to be able to call their doctor in cases or non-emergencies, instead of being seen at an emergency room for non-emergencies. Most doctors who have not yet seen baby at least once will not offer medical advice over the phone, and will refer families to emergency rooms.
• Other Providers: Other healthcare providers often require families to be on-record with a physician in case clinical situations arise during their care for which a report or a referral is necessary. For example, speech pathologists and lactation consultants are examples of healthcare professionals who work with babies who may require that a baby have a doctor.
Finally, here are some TIPS that can help you pick the right doctor for your baby:
Questions to Ask Your Baby's Doctor
Below are are some questions (mostly about breastfeeding, but can be insightful for all parents) to ask your baby's doctor. Having attended a breastfeeding class during your pregnancy can help your understanding of contemporary breastfeeding practices, something which will be helpful when asking your future pediatrician about their breastfeeding supportiveness. If you haven’t yet taken a breastfeeding class, now would also be a good time to register for one.
Questions about breastfeeding to ask your baby's doctor:
Remember, the only "right" answers to these questions are the answers that most closely match your family's health values.
And, here are some additional points to ponder when choosing a provider:
Remember that you will be seeing your baby's doctor during your baby's first days, first months, throughout their first year--and of course, every single time you have a medical question or concern about your baby (which will be frequently, trust me). Needless to say, your baby's doctor will be a very big part of your baby's life (and of yours) so taking the time to choose them wisely will be one of the most important choices you will make for your baby's future health!
If you found this advice helpful, make sure to share it with your friends! 💜
Sharing is caring! Please share or print this article for educational purposes, but please do not copy/paste or take any parts of it as your own.
I usually do an intro to blogs, but this one doesn’t need an into-unless you missed this week’s NYT article about Trump’s administration’s opposition to global breastfeeding protection, preservation and support (which also stated that the US bullied other countries into opposing) in order to create fruitful ground for formula companies. If you missed it, take a moment to read it and weap, and then come back here to learn what you can do ASAP.